Two Words. Gripe Water

So, I'm not usually into stuff like this but I was recently visiting my friend who has triplets. Naturally. 3 boys. AND a two-year old.
Anyway, I had hoped this would make me feel better about my light load in comparison, but no luck, as her babies were the vision of happiness and apparently only cry when hungry or tired. OMG. She recommended this gripe water called Baby's Bliss for Danika who was of course crying during most of the visit. I don't know if it worked or it was just "her time" to pull out of this but since that day she has been a different kid. Not perfect of course but the crying time has gone down to an hour or two at most and this has made all the difference. Now we just have to work on the fact that she still can only be held by me, Robert or sometimes our Neice Adrianne without screaming and that she says she wants to go into politics to make some changes around here. Christ.

Breathing

Things are kind of hairy here. Danika is still crying for 4-5 hours a day. People think she has gas/tummy troubles. Miles has recently started acting out a little and getting physically aggressive. This could be just a terrible two thing or maybe he needs more one on one attention, either way it makes the long days even longer.
This is by far the most difficult thing I have ever done, having these two kids so close together. Hopefully I will come out of it a better and more patient person. Sure, there are nice moments throughout the day when one or both of them is being especially cute or essentially any moment when they are both not crying, but a lot of it is just freakin chaos. And you should see my house right now. I can hardly bring myself to look around, it makes me tense up so much. I'm a clean person. I like things to be neat and clean, it's one of the reasons I like to stay at hotels so much. Every day I do laundry and dishes and clean up the whole house and every night it looks like 6 college age dudes live there.

Something

This morning I signed Miles up to start preschool on July 1st. The place seems great and all his little friends are going to go there too. It was like Disneyland, there were toys and craft projects everywhere and plenty of outdoor space to run around and get dirty. It's only for 12 hours a week and even though he's really young I think he's ready for something like that and that he'll have a good time, a better time than he does hanging around here especially now that so much of my attention is going towards Danika. That said, the moment I got off the phone with the woman, I wanted to call her back and cancel the whole thing.
I feel something inside.
Something big.
Something sad.